MARTIN JOHNSON

In the aftermath of the Boxing Day Test match it might be an idea for the next drop-in pitch to be lowered into position by a team of pallbearers. Complete with a vicar gravely reciting: “Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust.” Ye gods. Even Lord Boycott thought it was turgid, which tells you all you need to know.
There’s no sport like cricket for being quite so dependent on the playing conditions. The ideal surface is the one which makes for an equal contest between bat and ball, but easier said than done given the vagaries in the different soils and climates,...